That Bed with Purple Cover and Coloured Walls

Silhouette of a woman in a hallway

I was hesitant whether or not to write what was bothering me for a long time. A wound was about to open up. The infection was intolerable, yet I did not dare to let the putrefied infection out. I was so hateful toward this infection that I was carrying within me. Similarly, I was terrified of letting the wound open and the pus come out. Perhaps she herself is an embodiment of homophobia, inasmuch as there are many lesbians who have deeply hurt by her

Who have believed if I had spoken out? Every hour of every day I carry a chronic infected wound like a hunch on my back. Every day I am more worn out than the last. I think to myself, how many have seen that bed with a purple cover and colourful walls? For how many, after making love, has she made cafe latte, and has entered to the bedroom from the kitchen with one eye half open singing “love…u?” Evan though she has never known love. to how many has she said “we are the only good ones, none other”? To how many has she said “I am number one”? To how many and in how many ways has she implied that others are no good? She is not a good comedian, She brings tear to people’s eyes

My head becomes heavy when I think of all the contradictions in her. Truly, how many faces and facades does she have? ha

When I read the article in Khodnevis Website, even though I could hear her breathing and was disgusted by and fearful of it, I asked myself with what price did BBC Persian invite her to their programs, and how could those watching inside the country find out the truth? One’s true face cannot be seen on the television screen. I remembered someone who said she was a refugee in Turkey and she had started an intimate relationship with her, and after sleeping with her, she put her aside like a dildo. How many have told me about her bedroom and its details, and must keep their painful silence forever. How many has she fooled with her showmanship on the internet camera and lured into a two way, but temporary, relationship? and who is aware of that hidden camera

To how many has she promised a position, and when their expiration date came about they were tossed onto the forgotten land. Even so, how many moderators are needed for a closed Facebook page

She was supposed to give me consultation, but she slept with me, just like she slept with all of them. She hated gay people and loathed bisexual people. The hero of her bed was always herself

Everything began with trust. Everything begins with trust. Then you realize you were a mere object to her… then denial… then… then threats… then silence… then isolation

The relationship she started with me as a human rights activist for LGBT people was rape. She is raping me emotionally every single day. I think to myself that she only cares about her bank account, and the long list of names with whom she has shared a bed. She hates men but her behaviour and cliches are revolting, chauvinistic and lumpen attitudes. How many people did she belittle and destroy. One day I will speak out. I will stand strong and I will reveal this. I will force her to look at herself

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This document is translated by 6Rang volunteers and Justice4LGBT received it by email